Hey Guys! Here is my narrative writing. I’ve been working on it for a very long time. Comment suggestions, your favorite part, and anything else you think of. I hope you like it!
When I woke up this morning I was so ready. The first thing that went through my mind was “Today is the day.”
Each step I took to get higher on the ladder my fear level grew higher. My knuckles turned white as I clenched the next step of the ladder. As I took my next step, a cloud rolled over the sun. “I don’t know if I can do this,” went over and over in my head like a song does.
I put my bathing suit on even before I asked my mom if we could go to the pool this morning. While I was putting my suit on I thought to myself “I can’t believe I’m jumping off the high dive today,” I remembered all the times that I watched kids jump off the high dive and was too scared to do it, and today I would.
My jaw was shaking, my fingers were tingling, and my feet were cold as I took my first step on the diving board. I thought about all the things my sister told me: don’t look down, don’t walk back, and be careful. “I hope I can do this,” I whisper to myself.
“Mom, we are going to the pool today,” I said at breakfast with excitement oozing out of me. “Whatever you say,” she answered. I couldn’t wait, I could taste it. ¨Today is the day.¨
I felt a shiver go from my head to my toe as I took my second step. I was breathing so hard that I thought that the people on the line could here me. Still, the sun was hiding behind the cloud. There was a person inside of me that wanted to scream and cry, but I had to calm it down. “Oh god,” I thought to myself.
When I was in the car, I couldn’t stop shaking with excitement. Every single time I said something, it was a squeal. I couldn’t believe I was jumping off the high the dive today, I just couldn’t believe it, Today is the day.
I curled my toes over the edge of the board. Even though my sister told me not to look down, I did. My stomach dropped, it looked like a never ending pit. “I don’t think I’m ready,” I whispered. I took a step back and saw a lot of angry kids standing in the line. That definitely made me get more self confidence. My heart was pounding and my head was rushing. I didn’t know what to do. I kept bending my legs like I was about to jump, but I couldn’t. It was just like when magnets repel. There was a person inside of me that wanted to scream and run off, but I had to tame it and take a deep breath. I’ve been waiting for so long and this was my chance. I felt my whole body warm up, and saw that the sun had come out from behind the cloud. I was ready. I bent my legs, and actually jumped. The wind was blowing in my face like I was on a roller coaster. I loved it. It felt great. I knew, today was the day.
Wow Claudia! Your story is so good! I can tell how hard you worked on it. I really enjoyed how you went back and forth from one paragraph as a flash back to one telling the current story. This reminded me of “The Vortex.” Did you get the idea to use this writing technique from that story? I really enjoyed your story and I think you did a great job!
Hi Kaitlyn! I actually did get the idea from ¨The Vortex,¨ That was a very good story. If you want I would love to see your new narrative. Thank you for the great feed back!
Great job on your narrative. I think the way used the repeated line really paid off, it gives your story so much more excitement and felling. You know just how to make someone want to keep reading your writing. I hope you write more so I can read it.
Thank you Natalie! I am so happy that you like me story. I hope to see one of yours.