Hello! I’m going to share my experience writing a narrative. When I was in the early stages of drafting my narrative I had ideas for more then one story. How did I figure it out? I wrote drafts of both and the on I liked more I wrote. The narrative I ended picking was New Place. Writing the draft was really nostalgic. I remembered some really nice moments of the time the story happened. This motivated me to work hard to share all the detail of the day/days it happened. I really tried to make it seem like you were in the airport with me. I did this by saying small details like “bright light of my small window.”. Here I showed that the light from the window was really bright to make it seem like you were there.
I think that I could of put in more detail or conversations. Maybe a little more inter thinking. I do not think this story will be the best I will ever write and I know that I can improve by applying these things. I think that when the characters did speak it was to little. I did put detail but I need more. Next time I write I will apply these corrections.
New Place:The Story
New Place
By Gabriela
The sound sounds like a broken old piano. I cover my ears to this horrible thing. I squeeze my eyes shut, I just wished that would help. The grey walls and small windows are bland and I’m tired. I have not gotten good sleep. Soon it seems like a soundproof bubble absorbs me in its little sanctuary of no sound. I drift off to sleep.
I dream about a plane, the one I’m on. I dream about fluffy blue clouds. I dream about playing dress up with my friends. I dream about-.
And it cuts. I’m awoken by the bright light of my small window. Turning swiftly, I see my mom beaming. My Dad, not so much. His face like a rock. He just gives a small, fake smile. I don’t care to notice.
“My love, it’s time to go.” my Mom calls, her soothing voice like silk. I look into the hallway, now crowded. We get up and the snake slithers slowly. We are now a part of this snake,this line.
“Will I make friends, Mamae? (mom)”
“Yes you will” Mom says warmly, she chuckles at the thought. I grin and step out of the door. They said winter was harsh. They did not lie… Winter hit us like a rock,a punch. My purple jacket’s zipper slides up.
“Mamae, I’m cold.” I shiver. She scoops me up in her jacket. I hear rolling as we walk, like a barn full of horses. In reality, it’s just my Dad and the other passengers going to bagging. A tan hallway with smooth walls and a red carpet, unlike winter, says hello with more warmth. I slide out of my mom’s Jacket. We wander into a tall room. Conveyors and bags.
The walls seemed like they went on to as high as the plane did. The room was plain. “When will we get to the new house?” I ask my Mom.
“Very soon.” My mom whispers. We look over to my Dad trying to get our bags desperately. It hits me. A place I don’t know anything about,my new home? I don’t want to leave! Why do we have to? Back at home I was happy! Back home we had our family! Why? I snap back into reality.
“I got a bag!” Dad cheers. I smile and look up at my mom. I look back at the moving bags.
“They are so amazing! “ I think. This brightens my mood. I go to the bag Dad got. I try to climb up onto it,but fall. I try once again to plop myself on, but I’m too small. Everything seemed giant. Even my mom! Even the bags!
“I got the blue bag!” My Dad shouts. I run up and hug him. I go back to hug my mom. The blue bag’s handle slides up. “One more suitcase to go!” Dad thinks. I look up and see only the white roof. There were only the lights on it. No fancy holes or cool colors. “I got the black bag!” The little tag jingles when the bag is picked up.
I grin and dash to my Dad. My Mom follows behind. We slump to the next room. My little head has little sparks going through it. Little lightning bolts of ideas to do. “Maybe a blanket and pillow fort! Or one of the sleep overs the people have been talking about!” I think. I get a little smile. Like a little vine spreading.
“Mamae, when do we get home?” I ask like a pestering bird.
“I told you just a couple minutes ago!” Mom teases. “We will get there when we get in the car.” She puts a fake mustache on her long, deep brown hair, on her face. I giggle. Then I wonder…
What are my friends doing? Will I dance again? Will I see my family again? Will I make friends? When will we get home? All the thoughts spiral in my head. Only I know of my crazy thoughts. Before I was the one pestering my mom, now these thoughts are brewing a disaster potion! But I keep calm. My little 5 year old head keeps calm. Talk about pressing the big red button of calm!
Dad pushes the cart into the line, like the one we were in those hours ago. I realize the time passes fast in the airport. In the plane it’s a different story. “Mamae, why was the plane ride so long?” I ask.
“In the plane there is not lots of fun stuff to do. When there is no fun stuff there is nothing to do.” Mom replies.
“Ooooh, ok!” I say cheerfully. In that time we had been walking. The room was big and my little legs wanted to become noodles. Even if we were still in the room with the high ceiling. The bags, the plain walls. I wanted to go rest. “Me and Mamae talk fast!” I think. I look up at the building which is my Dad. He is a tower and I am a mushroom.
These two people are the only people that I have from Brazil. That was my home! I hope we can visit soon. I heard from Mamae and Dad that we will visit Brazil soon… “I hope I can explore lots in this new place! “ I think
We wander into a room with people of all shapes,sizes,and colors. I marvel at the red ribbons separating us from then. “This is coool!”I think. The door lets a little stream of people out into this room. Once again, the walls are bland and plain. I still have a tiny little smirk appearing on my face.
My Dad towers over me,casting a shadow over me. I peer straight ahead, A vending machine, a door. A DOOR! I run ahead and I feel the sting of cold once again. We have made it.
